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Take a breath and get up...

All I have to do they say is get up. Analyse myself, look at my past and take a deep breath to get back up. They must be well proud of being able to analyse my worries like that. Asking me simple questions as I sit in that deep green chair and all I do is answer and smile.
"Why aren't you serious, girl? Why joking about the serious issues?" Why not? Would they prefer I sit here and cry as they dig deep into the pain to put numbers on it? The tears are in my eyes, I can feel them, but I will not give in. Therapy, I need therapy to cry in the open they say. The lady sits in her chair and analyses me from head to toe and comes to the verdict that my past is troubled, my present crumbling, my future uncertain. "I know this", I want to shout, but I stay silent as she takes her notes. It is all for my own good after all they say. "This is for your assessment, so please answer it all. Was their violence in your family? Was their stress? Were you happy? What was your job? Where do you fit in?" I answer and I go blank recalling the pain. Yes, their was violence, flying chairs and hands. Books thrown for loosing a picture and pain for asking if we could help them in the wrong moment. Yes that is called stress and being unhappy, and yes I was the "perfect mum" as you describe. So what? What if I tried to bake and cook and smile and laugh to get them to feel like a family for 5 minutes in a day? What does she care when she takes her notes and fires back how sad my life is. I know that, but how do I go on from there? How do I keep afloat now that I could be happy and am scared? No answer...more meetings. What about next Wednesday? We ought to talk about my parents more. More pain, more memories, no answers. Just take a deep breath and get up. "Hasn't it been good to have someone to talk to?", she says and I look at her and nod. Thanks for your time. I take a breath and get up. "See you soon girl." Who knows?

An image old and inspired by an Evanescense song about vanishing and the art of invisibility.
InsignificantCollapse )


Hey, an old image I remembered and thought to share. ^_^

It is just a...a dream?Collapse )


There was once

There was once a sky, full of white clouds that carried snow. There was a field, full with snow and trees bending under the heavy weight of their white blanket. The silence was breathtaking and all was cold and still. Nothing moved, only snow and a wind that shaped the land with its tender breeze. The manfolk had hidden themselves in houses with steam rising above and the animals had hidden in the forest sleeping in their caves. Their breath clouding the air around them as they lay. There once was winter.
Yet, this story can not end here for where would we be if only the silence of the cold permitted the air? Hah! But I myself wish there was such silence on days like these. Silence child! I am telling a story here about the demon that rules this lands!  His highness will eat children like you for breakfast if you as much as sneeze when he is around! Hah! I met him, yes yes, little old me. I was his trusted follower so hush and be in awe. The demon and me. Of course this is all hundreds of years past now, but if you could hear his story, it would sound like this!

It was winter and it was cold, so cold that even the demonfolk had gone to hide in caves and trees, in soil and the warm fire of the houses. Yet, one demon had no such luck. His blood ran red as the colour of the emperor's robes and his heart pounded against his chest so loud you could hear it through the forest! His long silver hair lying around him covering his eyes as he snarled. The ferocity vibrated through the demon and hit his opponent hundredfold. That fool froze and stepped back, but it was too late for such retreat. And what a fool indead to try to steal from this silver-haired demon. The one he faced was no other than Sesshoumaru-sama! The lord of the west with poison for a gift and ice for a heart! Yes, that was how he was than and that was how he took hold of the bear demon that scratched him and melted the coward's face as he cut him in two with his trusted blade. Hah! He stood proud and tall looking down on the demon's remains his silver hair caught as a shimmer in the snow as he turned around to take his leave.

Well, that was the moment a cry pierced the heavens and his lordship found himself back on the ground. A little human girl was squealing and and...ah, it is still hard to describe. The girl was his lordships servant and adopted child Rin and as Rin goes she is a bundle of energy. Ah, did I say "is"? hehe...Was I meant. She had been worried for our lord and could not hold back when the battle was over. Though I tried to hold her. I was going to be in so much trouble...but let us start at the beginning. Would you like me to go on?

Nov. 17th, 2009

I am so tired my brain feels blocked up and fuzzy. A whole day of studies and here I sit in front of the computer as if the all day seminar hadn't fried my last brain cells already. I switch on some music and start to let my mind drift over shambles. All I learned today has broken a lot of ideas and understanding up into tiny pieces which have numbed my mind with all their pricking and prodding.
Tired eyes want to rest and shift from the white of the screen to the darkened room with its chairs and clocks telling me I need to get rest for more information tomorrow. More ideas of science twisting and turning till they fit or vanish into the tired mind that gives in for the day. As I look around I see a tiny bird flutter around the room. Half visible he does his best to catch attention. Tiny and brown like a sparrow, but with blue feather's on its wings and a white spot between his eyes. He lands on the desk on the other side of the room and eyes me. So curious.
Like he is waiting and to keep himself occupied he flutters and huffs as I just stare tiredly. Shall I let him fly of? Pretend I don't know that he wants me to get my imagination out and write something? I sigh and can't be angry with him. He can't help wanting my mind to let go and fly a bit. So I turn, give in and start to write. Type exactly what my mind wants to get out right now. See? Here it is.
The little one starts chirping and flutters to sit on the sofa to my left watching me. "Happy?" I ask him and he just chirps and pecks my hand encouragingly as he vanishes to get some rest. I sit and look at the screen some more. Maybe he was right, it feels good to let the imagination fly to relax from the tired mind.
Now for my rest tonight... Good night everyone.

Dream well. ^-^


The magic of rain

Sometimes I feel like the world is one great chaos. It really is though, don't you think? We keep trying to find our own thread passing through life, but with all the ones crisscrossing over it is tricky. That is not a bad thing. I believe it would be boring to be able to know everything in advance. Wouldn't you?

She sat in the door frame as the rain began to fall. One drop at a time it turned into a firm shower within seconds. The spray from where the water hit the concrete veranda caught her legs, but she did not shift. It was late spring and today was the day she was going to prove to herself it was real. Of course it required a little bit of luck and just a hint of magic, but that was the case for any event, wasn't it?
The rain was slowly getting warmer and the sun broke through the clouds. There! It was starting! As the sun hit her face the garden started to glow. The flowers, the trees, the shrubs and the grass. As they all started to glow she started to grin and clap her hands excitedly. There they were! First only one, than two, than four! The fish seemed to fly through the rain still falling over her garden. Their gold and red colours glistening giving the picture its final touch. As they swam through the rain and touched flowers and grass while exploring the flowers bloomed and the grass swayed giving of small beads of light which the fish snapped up hungrily. Magic. How can you explain a moment like this? Her trousers were wet from the rain and she had to squeeze her eyes till they were nearly closed to see it all and not be blinded by the storm of light. Than the sun vanished behind the cloud just as she reached out to touch one of the fish and it was all gone. She sighed. The grey clouds kept rule over the sky and the rain let up only little. She would have to wait till they were ready to be seen again. No more today. She grinned happily as she got up and went back into her house to dry of and tell her mum all about the magic in their garden. Maybe she could show her next time? Show her how fish can fly making the worst weather the best ever.


Right through you

Rambling idea I had to a song. Not revised yet! Will do so asap and decide to keep or bin. ^^
What say you?

The river flows right through youCollapse )


Here is the drabble for newbie_gk from my call for ideas.  The request was for Kenshin and Kaoru with the prompt: dragons. Well...after tons of ideas which didn't seem to work the way I wanted to I used something totally different.
In German when you play with kites we call it  "letting the dragons rise" and when I thought of that I knew it would work.

I hope you like it! Its the first time I have written something like this actually and it was more challenging than I thought.
Is that interpretation of dragons acceptable?

Criticism allowed and encouraged, I am trying to get better. Might revise it accordingly.

Let it fly!Collapse )

Image that is true once more

Another old image I found...
Strange how it slowly starts to become real once more.

"As the view opened up in front of her she stopped breathing for a moment. What a sight. The million lights of the city looked like candles in the night from the hill. Celebrating the full moon coming up with its silvery light, bathing the surrounding buildings in a mystic glow.
A hand placed itself on her shoulder, but she did not turn. She knew who it was without turning. Time stood still, and even the hand could not withdraw her from the world she was transformed into by the view before her, so the hand let go. How many lights were out there? How many souls were caught in this moment without understanding the magic of it? Words started to come to her as she saw all this different to anyone else. What a beauty, what a world of magic..."So what are you going to write about today?" The body connected to the hand asked. She took a breath and retreated from her world, feeling only the slightest regret of having to leave. While turning she said: "About the view over the town" And a smile crept on her face."

You know the feeling?


Image of a forest walk

"Darkness falls as swiftly as the rain in this world of green. No forest is as deep and dark as this little corner hidden away in time and space. Does it exist? No and still yes, because the mist has not yet covered the last inches of its presence. It lingers, as if to ask for someone to set foot on it and stop the air from swallowing it up. What is this place of mystery? An old building covered with moss in its center, seems long since abandoned, but is it? The people, moving on, the space, remaining in time. Now full of life of a different sort. The other side of the island, unreachable. The old people don't allow it. No barrier greater than the knowledge of barriers. So they tell the mystery of their place and keep it hidden in time, till the mist swallows the last of the path. But is that good?
The moon that rises over ancient legend, making the old stories come alive, as one of the tribe gets lost in the wrong part. You can see her, when you keep quiet she will not run. Talking to her mother and siblings of the sky above and walking towards the ruins without noticing any laws, any boundaries, keeping her to the other side of mist. Is that right?
I want to ask her which legends are true, but I do not dare, and before I blink, the mist swallows the world and I am alone again."

I love rambling on.

An old story bit I wrote and rediscovered just now buried amongst my stuff. I felt like bringing it back. ^_^ I did not revise it so far.