nervonna (nervonna) wrote,

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Smashing into walls, bouncing off the white, silence mockingly thumping me on my back as I fight. Swinging round in circles, the war is on. Smaller space than just an hour ago, I am sure, whitewashed anguish splattered across the boundaries making them hard on the eye. So I fight, fight the boundaries in my head, fight the pain, the fear and feelings. No weapons, only me. Only one way through.
I will get there, I refuse to falter.

The impact shakes that crystal chandelier up high and it comes apart shattering around me on the floor. Avoiding the shards is not possible but the room has changed. The glass mirrors everything and throws images up drawing my eye. I stop and catch my breath. What am I doing fighting this? Should I just give up and stay quietly in this space? Not like me, simply not possible. It would crush me.

I move the shards to get up and avoid more pain and then it hits. Avoid more pain? I laugh and shake with it as tears run down my face, kneeling in this small room, whitewashed with worry, clad in shards of memory, slicing into my feet. Enough. I pick up the largest shard and I stare. Finish it? But I look at it, look in and see the memories play out. Again and again. I cringe but I look at it, until it fades.

Is this the first time I pondered what happened? I feel the pain, here and I finally let it go to pick up the next leaf, the next shard, piece by piece hammering it home. The first falls to dust and the walls shimmer as I cry and smile. I look and feel and realise it was here all along. I lean back and just let go and it falls apart.

Let it go, stop fighting, feel and really, who knew that the sun is warm here in this world?
Tags: mind, walls
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